Thursday, December 30, 2021

Sending 2021 Out with a Swift Kick

Okay. I'll admit it. I was on Tinder this year. What an awful place. Whew, I survived and probably won't be going back. But if YOU are in the market and are an eligible bachelor who finds yourself on that (or any) humbling online dating site, here are a few words of gentle but sound advice. 

These missteps will likely reduce your sex appeal:

  1. No photo

  2. No introduction statement

  3. Your age is ≧ 0 

  4. Pictures include girlfriend OR unidentified female clinging to your neck

  5. Majority of your pictures include your dog. Just your dog.

  6. Head cut off in photo

  7. Selfie in bathroom mirror (Does everyone think this is sexy?)

  8. Toss-up, selfie in car (They sure think this is sexy!)

  9. No clothes (Seriously, I saw more than I'd like.)

  10. Frown or no smiling pics

  11. Another toss-up, selfie with earbuds

  12. All pictures include exercising

  13. A third toss-up, posting pictures of feet, in socks, shoes, or bare

  14. Wearing a clown costume with a blue wig. In every photo.

  15. Misspelling the word “too”

  16. You’re already married

  17. Chastising anyone not searching for a hookup

  18. Begging for a response: “C’mon ladies, swipe, please!”

  19. There are more ellipses … than words … in your personal … statement.

  20. Declaring: “I like to do it!”

  21. Posting phone number because “If you don’t call, someone else will!”

  22. Toss-up #4: Using acronyms/phrases/words requiring the use of the Urban Dictionary: ITB, sapiophile, AMA

  23. Overusing emoticons ☹☹☹☹

  24. Statements that life is short, so “Sister, you better take a chance on me!”

Well, I didn’t take a chance on many. I did laugh a lot. See ya, 2021. We had some fun.